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| Talking has become increasingly difficult lately.
I think I just say what I'm thinking at that current moment,
Which usually makes little to no sense.
Like, some sort of stream-of-consciousness writing that nobody likes.
I hate. hate. hate this time of year.
But I want to like it.
We will see.
I need a job.
A good one.
Ok? | | |
| I held the small box in my hands...
tears filled my eyes, of joy, sadness or just shock
I'm not exactly sure which one.
It was cold and the tears stung a little as they ran down my face.
This is not the night every girl dreams of,
Not a night I ever dreamed of
Time was standing almost completely still
It felt like hours before my heart began to beat again.
With a short prayer and many thoughts,
all wishing there was some way out.
After as much procrastination as I could justify
I quickly closed my eyes.
And slowly opened the box.
In less than a second...
my deepest fears, and wildest dreams were confirmed.
The moon was full but the light was dim,
but I could still see the twinkle of the small stone.
Images flashed through my mind...
Similar to the way they would in some sort of horror film.
A small house.
A safe house.
A perfect life.
Making dinner.
A small kitchen.
A safe neighborhood.
The pefect wife.
A small pain.
A strange feeling.
A perfect tear drop... falling falling...
Making beds for children.
A small nursery.
A safe new home.
A pefect mother.
A small life.
A safe life.
A perfect life...
For someone else.
Reality set in quickly.
And an answer was required...
Yes or no... and preferably yes, for his sake.
I looked up, and then down.
To where he was eagerly kneeling.
He nervously said some words,
but I wasn't paying any attention.
Too many thoughts.
I want to dance.
I want to paint.
I want to sing.
I want to create.
I want to uncover the deepest thoughts
one––– by one.
Is this possible with one who does not understand?
Can I limit myself to the safety of this perfect life?
Aloud, I quietly whispered "yes" | | |
| I'm glad to be home, and out of the hospital.
I mean, the hospital was nice, and comfortable, and "hospitable"
but, my feet were strapped to the end of the bed with these little booties that inflated and deflated.
And, now i will be able to sleep without a nurse coming in to check on my every hour.
They gave me some really good drugs. and I like them, and they way they make me sleep almost instantly,
but I don't at all like that they make me throw up.
I wish I felt better now.
but I don't.
Time will come though.
| | |
| If a flower blooms but for a moment,
how will that moment last?
For one life's full potential
Has vanished far too fast.
So, Time, be still one moment,
If you've one moment to give.
I am not ready to die,
For I have yet to live. | | |
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